Getting Back on Medication for Bipolar

Ugh.

Today is the day. I am getting back on medication for my bipolar disorder. 

How do I feel?

Anxious. Restless. Nervous. Sick to my stomach. Excited. Scared. Impatient.

UGH.

I remember having these feelings the first time. 2012. After the meds kicked in I felt great, it's amazing what a little Lithium can do... but just like many people do; I felt good enough to make me think, maybe I don't need medication anymore. WRONG. I stopped taking my medication and seemed to do okay for several months until I relapsed and had the worst manic episode since my official diagnosis. My manic episodes were horrible, but they were never that bad. Not as bad as that episode.  With my health, sanity and relationship on the line I moved back to my original hometown, 1600 miles away from my current home, to seek therapy again. 

This time I know I can't stop the meds like I did last time. I know that I need a balanced diet of pills, therapy, strict sleep schedules and support in order to be able to live my life to the fullest from here on. And that's not what scares me...

I'm excited to feel better. Excited to get better.

I'm just...hell. I don't know. I guess it's just one of those days. I'm so amped up with nervous feelings that I feel like I'm going to puke. I guess it's all part of the rollercoaster ride right? 

There is nothing more I want right now than to get back on meds: 

I just feel really alone. Even though I know I'm not.