One Thread, Two Thread

Happy Early Valentines Day People!

One Thread, Two Thread

Pull ever so gently

and watch me unwind.

The string is my zipper,

the spool is my spine.

The needle runs deep,

it weaves us together;

One thread becomes two,

woven forever.

A knot holds us close

and gives us the might,

for us to survive

through a cold winter night.

What once was so simple

is now more complex;

Full of loyalty, passion,

love and respects.

No it doesn't take two 

to get the job done..

But haven't you heard

two is better than one?

To choose one another,

our soul-mate in life,

our partner in crime

against struggles and strife;

Is to initiate a promise

between you and me,

for us to be together 

for as long, 

as long can be.

-Amber Rose

Follow me. Or Else I Might Get Lost...

Okay peeps. 

I see you looking at my site. All around the world.
US, UK, France, Germany, Brazil.

 I see you reading my rants and poems...

Now if you have the means to:

Follow me. 

Please.

Or else I might get lost...

I can't wait to get some followers...

we can make our own personal poem cult. ;)

Mental Health Providers:: Can Sometimes Be Unnecessarily Difficult

Dear Mental Health Providers,

Clinic Receptionists, Clinicians 

and Nurses,

The whole reason why I am seeking help, 

therapy and medication is simple: 

I want to feel better.

I have actively just drove 1600 miles from my beautiful home and significant other to seek mental help in my hometown state. I have also, since the temporary move: set up an appointment with my psychiatrist, religiously studied about my specific disorder as well as how to cope with it/medications for the disorder, joined a mental health forum, etc...

I am not the person who wants to be on a handful of pills that make me groggy or high. I'm not happy about the fact that 

I may have to

take a handful of pills for the rest of my life in order to keep my moods in check and also keeping them from ruining my personal health and relationships...

I am consciously seeking, in every way, to get help. Get better.

Your job is to work with and around sick people.

People with illnesses and diseases that they never had a choice in. It's not our fault that sometimes we don't feel right the day after a new pill. It's okay for us to call you in a situation that seems to us: 

an emergency. 

Feel free to ask questions. I'm not against your questioning. I just ask that you respect my feelings. When I read over the medication print outs that you give me (That's right. I read them!) 

I pay special attention when it says,

'Check with your doctor immediately if any of the following side effects occur while taking -INSERT NAME OF MEDICATION HERE-' 

And when I am experiencing one of the following and I have been giving simple directions to follow: I listen.

I apologize for calling you several times in a row;

(you connected me to the wrong nurse twice.)

I apologize that I didn't come across 'clear' and that I was sobbing uncontrollably and that I kept asking you questions that you could not specifically answer;

(my mind was racing and I was so scared.)

When I call you: I'm not perfect, and I know that. 

I'm far from it...

Just don't forget your job.

Thank You.

-Amber Rose

Getting Back on Medication for Bipolar

Ugh.

Today is the day. I am getting back on medication for my bipolar disorder. 

How do I feel?

Anxious. Restless. Nervous. Sick to my stomach. Excited. Scared. Impatient.

UGH.

I remember having these feelings the first time. 2012. After the meds kicked in I felt great, it's amazing what a little Lithium can do... but just like many people do; I felt good enough to make me think, maybe I don't need medication anymore. WRONG. I stopped taking my medication and seemed to do okay for several months until I relapsed and had the worst manic episode since my official diagnosis. My manic episodes were horrible, but they were never that bad. Not as bad as that episode.  With my health, sanity and relationship on the line I moved back to my original hometown, 1600 miles away from my current home, to seek therapy again. 

This time I know I can't stop the meds like I did last time. I know that I need a balanced diet of pills, therapy, strict sleep schedules and support in order to be able to live my life to the fullest from here on. And that's not what scares me...

I'm excited to feel better. Excited to get better.

I'm just...hell. I don't know. I guess it's just one of those days. I'm so amped up with nervous feelings that I feel like I'm going to puke. I guess it's all part of the rollercoaster ride right? 

There is nothing more I want right now than to get back on meds: 

I just feel really alone. Even though I know I'm not.

Sorry. That was me.

Dear Matthew,

A poem that I found on Pinterest. 

I dedicate it to Matthew:

I'm not sure who wrote this or what to credit it to. If you know please let me know.

It's beautiful. :)

Little Miss Kitten

Little Miss Kitten sat on a mitten, knitting some scarves and hats.

Came a kid with a light'er, who set her a'fire...

and now we have hairless cats.